The Rosebush

Excuse me, but are there any guys out there (aside from Matt) whose sole aim in life ISN’T to put me in a bad mood? 

This rant could be a LOT longer.  Be grateful.  And I didn’t even swear.

Alright, so apparently there *are* some…. Sorry!! xxx

The last couple of days have been trying… but I have survived, so far. 

I can still feel the endometriosis and it is finally dawning on me, having spent quite a large chunk of yesterday doing research on the internet, that what I have is actually a chronic condition which will never go away.  I had approached my surgery as though it would “solve the problem” and the problem would go away, because I hadn’t been told any different by my surgeon/gynaecologist… I have since discovered the hard way that this was not true… Although, I don’t think I am supposed to be feeling symptoms so soon after the surgery, which is why I’m returning to the hospital on Saturday for more tests.

So anyway, that is one thing.  I have also been informed, both directly and indirectly, that I am not considered a viable option by the person who has been mostly occupying my mind for the last few months.  I feel numb and empty.  This is not what I wanted… I am trying not to be bitter, but it is difficult.  I’m hurt and have been hurting for 8 months.  Maybe I can start to move on…. although I don’t know whether this is closure, really… I wanted closure and don’t know if I have it… so I guess that means I don’t.  Crap. 

So next week, on Saturday, I’m going off back to Bangkok, back to the hospital where hopefully somebody will be able to tell me why, after one operation and 5 days in hospital in October, I am still experiencing endometriosis pain.  Woo hoo!

Yesterday, I stupidly paid 5000Ks (About £2 - lots of money in this country!) for an issue of TIME magazine, because it had an article about Suu Kyi vs the General in it.  Only when I looked closely at it did I realise it was 13 years old.

Anyway, I was kicking myself, but I read the article anyway and was pretty shocked to realise that the article, 13 years old, could have been written last week.  Take out the old General’s name (Khin Nyunt) and replace it with Than Shwe and it was exactly the same situation.

Gambari is a dickhead, we all know that.  The guy comes here for 4 or 5 days, stays in Nay Pyi Daw which is basically a jungle compound, he doesn’t see any of the real Burma, the villages which are burned, residents shot, the people who are forced to build roads or do other physical labour…. He just stays in his nice cushy hotel, talks to some not-very-influential people and because he doesn’t want to look like he’s just wasted everybody’s time, he says “Oh yes, there’s definitely an improvement in Burma since the last time I was here.”  What an absolute… urgh.  And as a good friend has rightly pointed out to me, why exactly did they send a man who has a history of being actively supportive of military dictatorships??  He’s probably corrupt to the core, just like the fat money-grabbing greaseballs who run this country at the moment.

And Pinheiro….well… how can you possibly investigate the countries Human Rights violations in 4 days?  You’d need ten years to assess exactly what this atrocious government has done in the way of human rights atrocities.

So all in all, who could blame the people if they decided to start up the demonstrations again? It wouldn’t do any bloody good of course, they’d just get shot, but this is why people are so frustrated…. It’s this cycle of hopelessness.

GAH!!!

I wanted to make another post because the last one was so negative…. but I don’t have anything good to say really….  So I guess I’ll just not go into detail.

On the bright side, I *should* (travel agents permitting - and they do have a tendency to be dickheads here) be home for xmas. 

Another thing is that I’m going back to Taekwondo today.  It’s gonna hurt like f*** having had a month off for surgery and recovery, but I’m hoping I’m not gonna be TOO rubbish. 

Annabel won’t be joining me though, as she’s back in the UK temporarily… it wont be the same without her…. but I’m gonna do my best to get my body back into shape and maybe I’ll have a yellow belt to wave maliciously under her nose when she gets back ;)  Only kidding…. Smelly if you’re reading this, I hope you’re doing okay and I miss ya.

Pictures from my trip to the beach can be found on my gallery page. 

I am fed up. FED UP FED UP FED UP FED UP FED FUCKING UP!

I am not enjoying the waiting, but I am doing it, because it’s important.  But it fucking hurts every day I don’t get an email or a phone call and yet here I am, still waiting. Must be love.